Searching At School For What I’m Missing At Home

(A Guest post from an Oakland public school student and Energy Convertors Helping marginalized folx #navigate education. S/O 2 people converting negative energy to positive all over. Edrees Saied)

Imagine you’re a student. You think yourself as an advanced student. Someone who tries to overload themselves with advanced classes for the sake of learning everything that you can. But you don’t know how to deal with the stress that comes with that overload. Anxiety. Doubt.

You get overwhelmed every now and then. You thought those advanced classes would help you grow like you never imagined. That you would somehow find stronger relationships with the students and teachers. But everyday you’re just fighting for some rest and a feeling of self-fulfillment.

That’s me.

I try to learn certain techniques and skills so I could do better in school. Skills that other got at home or other schools. Skills that help you build a positive mindset even when you would be really stressing out. Techniques that would help study 3 hours of work in about 30 minutes. Motivation that would make you wake up in the morning. Philosophy that would change the way you even think about yourself.

I try to turn to my parents to help build these skills. But I’m still unsuccessful. It’s hard to relate to my parents because they had totally different experiences when they were my age. Seriously. My father was married when he was my age. 17. Like I said in my article “Just Trying To Figure It Out”, it feels like we live in two different worlds.

Even now, I am fighting to defeat our differences. Yet everytime, I can’t help but feel confronted by my isolation. So I try to stay positive. And hope school can be the place where I turn to when I have personal struggles.

Sometimes school pushes us to the edge of a cliff.

Most of my teachers make it seem like they just expect me to not have any demons. As if every student has everything they need to succeed in school. Like I am still a child. Irresponsible, and just lazy. A dependent. Even though it’s felt like I’ve been independent this whole time. Even though I broke lazyness. I try to be as responsible as I can. For some students, teacher expectations helps. But for others who don’t know what self-confidence truly is; who don’t see school as just some other place for work; who don’t know what to do on the edge of the cliff; tough teacher expectations don’t help. Teachers try to push us into adulthood, but don’t give us the foundations to help us navigate our way through this maze we call life.

(Part 2 is coming tomorrow)


What do you think?

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